Eight simple rules of the road for navigating the streets and freeways of the Greater Houston area while avoiding; (a) middle-finger salutes (b) having your parent's marital status at the time of your birth disputed, and (c) comparisons to various parts of the human anatomy.
1) Put down the damn phone and drive.
2) Traffic signals at intersections consist of three colors-green, red, and yellow. That's it. No need to sit and wait for more. Green means go. (See rule No. 1)
3) As you drive along you will notice white signs with black numbers on the right side of the road. This is known as the speed limit. Now look slightly below eye level on the part of the car's interior known as the dashboard and you will find a gauge with numbers and a needle on it. This is called a speedometer. The number to which the needle on the speedometer points should correspond to what is on the sign.
4) If you are on the freeway and notice that you are not following Rule No. 3, please move to the far right lane. That is the place for slow moving traffic. Also, those around and behind you would appreciate it if you go a consistent speed. Not varying from 65 to 55 to 65 back to 55. (See Rule No. 1)
5) If you look at about the nine o'clock position just behind the steering wheel there is what is known as a turn signal, sometimes called a blinker. This device is for signaling not only turns but is also for when you are changing lanes on the freeway. Pull this lever down if the turn or move you wish to make is to the left, push it up if it is to the right.
6) Flashing light fascinate children, but shouldn't have the same effect on people at or above the legal driving age. If there is a collision on the freeway or a member of law enforcement has stopped one of your fellow motorists for whatever reason there is no need to slow down and look at the pretty lights on either the wrecker or the police vehicle. Just be thankful it's not you and keep moving. Particularly infuriating to other drivers is when the activity is on the opposite side of the freeway from which they are driving.
7) A car is not a restaurant nor is it a place to apply makeup. Please eat or fix your face either before leaving home or after arriving at your destination.
8) Maintain a safe following distance between you and the vehicle in front. Houston freeways are not Daytona Speedway and you sure as hell aren't Dale Jr. or (insert name of favorite NASCAR driver here). Dale and his buds may drive bumper to bumper at speeds in excess of 150 mph but it's not a good idea on I-45.
Thank you for your cooperation in the ongoing effort to make our highways and byways idiot free.
1) Put down the damn phone and drive.
2) Traffic signals at intersections consist of three colors-green, red, and yellow. That's it. No need to sit and wait for more. Green means go. (See rule No. 1)
3) As you drive along you will notice white signs with black numbers on the right side of the road. This is known as the speed limit. Now look slightly below eye level on the part of the car's interior known as the dashboard and you will find a gauge with numbers and a needle on it. This is called a speedometer. The number to which the needle on the speedometer points should correspond to what is on the sign.
4) If you are on the freeway and notice that you are not following Rule No. 3, please move to the far right lane. That is the place for slow moving traffic. Also, those around and behind you would appreciate it if you go a consistent speed. Not varying from 65 to 55 to 65 back to 55. (See Rule No. 1)
5) If you look at about the nine o'clock position just behind the steering wheel there is what is known as a turn signal, sometimes called a blinker. This device is for signaling not only turns but is also for when you are changing lanes on the freeway. Pull this lever down if the turn or move you wish to make is to the left, push it up if it is to the right.
6) Flashing light fascinate children, but shouldn't have the same effect on people at or above the legal driving age. If there is a collision on the freeway or a member of law enforcement has stopped one of your fellow motorists for whatever reason there is no need to slow down and look at the pretty lights on either the wrecker or the police vehicle. Just be thankful it's not you and keep moving. Particularly infuriating to other drivers is when the activity is on the opposite side of the freeway from which they are driving.
7) A car is not a restaurant nor is it a place to apply makeup. Please eat or fix your face either before leaving home or after arriving at your destination.
8) Maintain a safe following distance between you and the vehicle in front. Houston freeways are not Daytona Speedway and you sure as hell aren't Dale Jr. or (insert name of favorite NASCAR driver here). Dale and his buds may drive bumper to bumper at speeds in excess of 150 mph but it's not a good idea on I-45.
Thank you for your cooperation in the ongoing effort to make our highways and byways idiot free.
There is a law that states that we must slow down to 20 MPH under the speed limit when passing an emergency vehicle. I do admit that there is a reasonable extreme that many pass when rubbernecking the accidents, but I don't want people to think they should just blow on by because they will in fact get a ticket.
And maybe,
9) Clean and load your Beretta before stopping at the "change only" gate on the toll way...