Today marks the start of a new weekly (Tuesday) blog series for me that I hope you will find of interest. My plan is to keep it going until my son comes home, hence the title. I truly hope that at some point my blog might find its way to any of our elected representatives. I anticipate that there will be times when I will be rather raw in my feelings, and a little dose of reality might be good for them since most of us will never get the opportunity to slap some sense into them in any other way. Oops, that was my 'out loud' voice.
Today my oldest son begins basic training for the Army.
If all goes according to his plan, his MOS will be 18X. As I've come to learn over the past few months, that means he's signed on for 6 years with the intention of being in Special Forces, specifically Green Beret. He'll have a longer-than-normal basic (14 weeks instead of 8 or 9, I think), then he'll have to go to Airborne school (jumping OUT of an airplane? Egads!), then on to language school where, at the end of the program, he'll apparently be fluent in speaking whatever language he/they choose (I vote for Japanese, please, not Farsi, Arabic or Hebrew). It's two years of training before they send him off to who-knows-where doing I-won't-want-to-know-what, most likely.
I've spent the weeks and months since his enlistment in February trying to process it all. I wasn't expecting this. He was in the second semester of his sophomore year of college. His grades were good. He was thinking of which 4-year university he was going to transfer his community college hours to. He had already lined up his summer job as a camp counselor (for the sixth year in a row).
I went away on a business trip, and when I called home to check on everyone, my youngest told me my oldest had joined the Army that day. It took a few days for it to really sink in and when it did, I went through a kind of physical shock or acute stress reaction - shaking uncontrollably, heart racing, shortness of breath, feeling like I was freezing, crying at everything, then either no sleep or bad dreams. He never saw that part, fortunately.
We had conversations about it; that is, I would walk into whatever room he was in and begin to ask him lots of questions, with the explanation that that was how I needed to process the information. I asked for his indulgence. I made sure I told him how much I loved him in every conversation, and that I would always support his choices even if it took me a little longer to process them. I asked a lot of questions about how he arrived at his decision because I wanted to make sure it really was his choice. No one else had to stand in his shoes (potentially with a target on their back) but him. I also stated that as his mother it was absolutely my right and privilege to defend his choice to anyone who wanted to give him grief about it. I also conveyed to our own family that I would accept nothing but unconditional love and support from them for him and his choice, and if they felt anything to the contrary they were to refrain from voicing it in front of him. E.V.E.R.
I think what has surprised him the most has been the reaction of his friends vs. the reaction of strangers. He's been disappointed at how unsupportive some of his 'best' friends have been. Strangers, however, have thanked him in advance for what he's going to do and commented on how proud I must be as his mother.
I am proud of him, always have been. He's a fine young man. He's handsome, kind, intelligent, compassionate, ridiculously funny, and talented. He'll always be my baby because that's just the way mom's look at it.
I'm proud of myself too. I didn't cry in front of him yesterday when I surrendered my precious baby to Uncle Sam. I can blubber all I want in the privacy of my room, but not in front of this amazing young man who is willing to put his life on the line for the citizens of this country. He had other choices, but this is the one he made.
So whenever you see a soldier, thank them. It probably won't be my son, but it will be someone's son or daughter. Remember to say a little prayer for them, and their mom, every chance you get.
I know I for one am going to need it.
Voice, what a moving story....
My prayers will be with you and your son(s). You have a son to be proud of. And as we know, he has a mom to be proud of.
Sending you {{hugs}}!
Your son has a mom to be proud of too.
Bubba, I hope it helps too. It's waaaaay cheaper than therapy.
Voice, I hope this blog helps you with the processing/acceptance. You have raised a fine young man. Take heart in that he will be prepared to intelligently and rationally do his best to succeed at whatever he is tasked for. My thoughts and prayers are with him and you.
Thank you Rockheadedmama for a very moving and inspiring comment.
As for the friends of Voice's son being not very "supportive", although strangers seem to be supportive, that is not surprising if they were not raised or imbued in the military culture. It is foreign to them and a shock and self servingly disappointing to them for him to “abandon” them for something they may not support or understand. Not saying it's right, just possibly why they reacted so.
Back at ya, hermana mia.
RockheadedMama...thank you for your words of support & wisdom for my sister...the Voice.
PS: I love you, Voice.
Voice wrote: "So whenever you see a soldier, thank them. It probably won't be my son, but it will be someone's son or daughter. Remember to say a little prayer for them, and their mom, every chance you get."
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Funny you should say that. I ALWAYS thank a soldier/sailor for what they do and shake their hand EVERY TIME I see one.
I will also say a little prayer for your son. And let me tell you, when God hears from me, it's an occassion.
Hey RHM,
I have to agree with you...the best trained people I have ever worked with had their training in the military.
Voice, I know only too well what you are going through. My son was in college at the U of H. Then, 9/11 happened. Only a few weeks after, my son informed me he had joined the military. He believed his country needed his service and that it was the patriotic thing to do. You can imagine my opinion, which was expressed to my son, but, I could not deny that it was my son's choice to make. I too, had to resign myself to the fact that my own desires and hopes had to take a back seat to his. It is his life to lead.
He signed up for 5 years. While in specialty training in Florida, he met a young woman. They were married less than a year later. He was "forwardly deployed" (the tip of the spear he called it) and was stationed for most of that time in Japan. My first and only grand-daughter was born in Japan. I didn't get to meet her until she was 6 months old. (She's six years old now.) He ended up making 3 tours to Iraq.
I worried because I did not feel my son had the type personality that would do well in the military. He is thoughtful, but outspoken. He is almost as liberal as his mother. He does not tolerate stupidity or foolishness very well. He has always been "the big guy" and has always had a soft heart, especially for those who are being taken advantage of. (I have a very funny pic of him shaking the hand of the then Sec of Defense, Donald Rumsfield. Anyone who really knows my son, can tell by his body language that he is about to "pick up a bag of bad potatoes".)
I can truthfully say my son returned home a man, more mature, more confident of his abilities and much more resolute to fulfill his dreams. Because of how the military trained him, he expects to excel in all that he attempts (so far, he has made that happen - he graduated from college with high honors.) He is now in his 2nd year of law school (his first year, he was in the top 10%) -- living in Florida -- while his wife and daughter live here in Texas. They are young people who are willing to make big sacrifices to realize the dreams they have for themselves and their daughter. (Last May, my DIL walked for her masters.)
Despite my belief our military is improperly used and my belief we are pursuing an endless war more to the benefit of contractors than of policy, I have to give the military credit for the training they give our young people. They are really good at picking out the best person for the job, and they are exceptionally good at training those people for their jobs. They instill in each one that if everyone does the job they were trained to do, and they do it the way they were trained to do it, everyone will stay safe. And, it works. We do have a military to be proud of.
Voice, as always, beautiful said.
I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
He's making his own way in the world. That's such an admirable thing to do.
I can only tearfully imagine what you are going through. I pray he is safe and does a lot of good.