It's been a banner month for whistle-blowers and sexual predators. Like the woman in Dominique Strauss-Kahn's case, and the woman in the incident with the Egyptian banker, today I stood up for myself and for the other women on my team and called out someone who had been sexually harassing us all for months. I am such a B.I.T.C.H.*
*Babe In Total Control of Herself
After having received another text message in the wee small hours of the morning over the weekend, I confronted my harasser at work this morning. I should have done it months ago after the incident where he was trying to play footsie with me under the table at a company dinner or after a company team-building event where he was touching my back inappropriately or after receiving some of his other text messages, but it wasn't until the other women on my team and I began to talk about what has happened to all of us over the past few months that we put the pieces together and realized WE aren't the ones with a problem.
Like so many other women, we had wondered on our own if WE were making more out of situations than were warranted, were WE just being hypersensitive, that sort of thing. Can you imagine? WE had doubts about our own perceptions. Seriously, this creep has been hitting on all of us for months and we were worried that WE were making too much of it.
So I went into his office, closed the door, and proceeded to tell him how inappropriate and unwelcome his actions and behaviors were to ALL of us and that they should stop immediately. I set the boundaries on his actions. HE was the one at fault, but I was the one who walked out of his office shaking with my stomach in knots. What the hell did I do wrong? NOTHING.
Why should it be such a big deal for us as women to set boundaries for behaviors that are inappropriate in the workplace or in any place where they are unwelcome? Why do we feel that we must be in the wrong in our THINKING so that we are almost paralyzed and don't act on what our gut tells us? How is it that we've come such a long way baby but are still hesitant to stand up for ourselves?
It's probably because we're still accused of "asking for it" based upon our manner of dress, or that women still only make 70-80 cents to every dollar that a man makes, or the fact that even though women make up more than half of the workforce we still only occupy about 5% of the highest executive positions in companies.
Yep, we obviously beg to be objectified and oppressed. Please, do it to me everyday. I live for it.
In the mean time, bear in mind that maybe I come to work every day to actually work, to support my children, to do a good job in the hope that I'll advance to a higher level in the organization with a corresponding increase in remuneration, that maybe I'm not looking for someone to rescue me and keep me barefoot and in the kitchen just hoping you'll invite me to an office happy hour where we might find another couple interested in swapping, that I'm not just sitting at my desk waiting for you to come in and touch me inappropriately or look at my chest instead of my face when we talk.
Seriously, eyes up here, dudes, and keep it zipped while you're at it. If we want it, we know how to ask for it. We have come a long way, baby, so peace out, fellow BITCHes.
Well done. I agree with Carol, I wish I had had that courage back in the day.
Well done, Voice.
Guys like this make it tougher for those of us fellas that just want to be productive and coexist with the opposite sex in the workplace. Jerks like him are the reason I always tense up and feel the need put my hands behind my back when interacting in close proximity with a female coworker.
Got a new definition for the acronym today: Boys, I'm Taking Charge Here.
I'm good with either of them.
:-)
I think part of the hesitation to tell anyone where to get off is that it's a pretty final manuever. Final solutions have a tendency to burn bridges and therein lies the reluctance.
I must agree that it can be frightening, though. I worked for a lady once that was having an evening pool party and invited me to join in. I was new to the place and not really ready for that kind of action. Of course, I told her that I would try to attend and she in no uncertain terms told me that if I didn't show up for the party to not bother showing up for work the next day...It scared the sh*t out of me...she later said that she was just joking. So I can see how it can be difficult at times.
You go girl, I mean B.I.T.C.H.! :-)
Ladies, we are sorry that continues to happen. We are still experiencing some "quality control" issues at the factory.
I must tell you a story. When I was working at BP I was going to my car for lunch to discover a young woman kneeling by a car letting the air out of the tires. She had already done that to two other tires. She looked at me and said, "I've got a flat."
I smiled and said, "Not now, but you should in a few minutes."
BTW, you don't have to do all four. Just two.
When we were dating, my wife and coworker were in LA on a business trip when he essentially propositioned her. He was married and 20 years older. She was disgusted and called me crying. Apparently, I earned many boyfriend points by taking her side (which seemed obvious). She told a female coworker and that person turned it into the manager. The man in question was sent to "sensitivity" training. However, she got the feeling this was all of her fault.
As a gender, we are typically less aware. However, most of us admit honest mistakes when we go too far. Before I was married, I asked out an occasional co-worker but that is as far as it went. I figured holding the boombox and playing Peter Gabriel was too far. Unfortunately, some don't have those instincts.
Earlier comment appears to be lost.
I'm proud of you.
Well done, Voice!
I wish I had done the same thing back in the day.
You go girl! I'm so proud of you. Your voice is being heard, loud and clear.
I'm sorry to hear that this type of behavior still happens. It's courageous action like yours that will begin to stop it.
I'm taking away another message, which is that we are all responsible for the culture we live in, a culture that can encourage, discourage, or turn a blind eye to good and bad behavior.
He sounds like a throwback to an earlier era.
If fact, he should be thrown back. To the sleaze bucket he crawled out of.
You did good. I'm proud of you.