Some of you know my stats: single mom, three amazing boys young men. Heck, I have my own YouTube channel with nothing but videos of their particular accomplishments in the arts, etc. so I'm a rather proud mom.
My feelings this week have really run the gamut. I'm always proud of them, happy with them, exhausted because of them (LOL), and scared shitless that something will happen to them. How very mom-like, right? I have reason to be.
This week my oldest, who is in his second year of college, enlisted in the military. Actually, he enlisted for 6 years in Special Forces. He is a recruiter's dream -- he is physically amazing, has black belts in two martial arts, is intelligent, and would make an amazing poster boy for any branch. He takes his language test soon, begins boot camp this summer, and will spend two years after that in school and physical training for who-knows-what before he is deployed to some region of the world where I'll never really know where he is or if he's alive until he calls afterward to just say "hi, I'm okay". There will come a time when every knock at the door will make my heart jump into my throat in fear that someone in uniform will be standing on the other side of the door with the worst news possible, or that I'll get that phone call from a hospital saying he's hurt. I know the drill. My ex was a cop, so this is familiar territory as I got that phone call one night, but at least not the knock on the door.
Being a high-information type of person, I asked my son to please tell me how he got here. I know his politics: he hates it all. He doesn't like to talk about things; he prefers to act. He's never really expressed a kind of passion or devotion to fighting for his country and our bizarre politics, just disappointment that things don't seem to go fairly or the way they should at times. He's aware of the current world situation, but doesn't follow it the way some do. He enjoys history, but hates having to take exams on it. He is about as physically perfect as anyone can get and is frequently asked if he's on steroids, but he's very careful about what he puts in his body. He gets annoyed as hell when he doesn't advance to the next level on Call to Duty or whatever that stupid video game is, but reacts the same way to the football one as well.
He indulged me by answering my questions. He wishes things would go back to the way they were originally intended to be, with fairness and the Golden Rule still in play, as opposed to money controlling everything. He's taking the classes that he wants in college, but knows that even if he graduates with a bachelor's degree, it won't be enough and he'll need a masters and then still won't get a job because he's a young white guy in a society that is so politically correct about some things that we go way too far the other direction. He loves music but not the music industry because it's not about the music anymore. He knows he has abilities that others don't have, and he's looking for a way to do something that makes an impact.
It's a start. I could probably ask him a million questions about the why's and the what's and so on, and it would never be enough because I'm still his mother and he's still my baby and I'm scared to death that he will be killed by someone who will never know how amazing he is or see how blue his eyes are, or worse ... he will "live" in pieces with a limb missing or a traumatic brain injury and be mentally and emotionally destroyed for the rest of his life.
I'm still processing. I love my son. I support my son and his choice because of who he is and has always been, but I don't like the fact that he could end up as idealistic cannon fodder fighting in a war that the majority of people in this country don't care about unless they are the ones making millions from the oil or consulting contracts in a country on the other side of the world where they don't really want us to be and for a nation that will most likely forget about him when and if he comes home.
I don't know if I'll ever really be able to process this, at least, not until years from now when he's home safe for good and I can die first as a happy old grandmother. It's like I told him the other night, "I brought you into this world;I should possess the first right of refusal on taking you out." They haven't called me Drill Sergeant Mom all these years for nothing, I guess.
If you have any tips for me on how to get through this, I'll take them.
And the next time you see a soldier, thank them ... and their mothers.
Voice, I know all too well what you are feeling. My son was in college when 9/11 happened. Although he is a liberal like me, and contrary to what many *conservatives* say about liberals, he felt his country needed him and he joined the Navy. He was in for 5 years - he made 3 trips to Iraq. His destroyer was in a (minor) wreck off the coast of Iraq that made the news. He was stationed in Japan, the 5th Fleet; my granddaughter was born there. His destroyer was attached was "forwardly deployed" (meaning any trouble and they go first) and the kids that were killed on the USS Cole did the same job my son did.
The Navy did not keep their promises about his ability to continue his education while in the Navy. My son was very disappointed about that. However, he almost re-enlisted after he graduated from college. He feels like the Navy treated him better and valued him more than his employer (insurance) here in Texas ever did. He feels like he became a man in the Navy. He certainly saw a lot of the world.
While your son may or may not have good reason to join the military, there really isn't too much we mothers can do when they are old enough to make these decisions without our input. I agree with Doug though that your son needs to reassure you he has thought out his reasons and, even if he doesn't share those reason with you, at least give you assurance he has thought it out in a mindful and thoughtful manner and feels it is right for him. As for advice pertaining to you - it is the same as what you do now. Trust that everything will be okay. Hope for the Best. Give him wings.
Not knowing you or you're son, I'm hesitant to give my two cents worth. I would be concerned though that he is not able to articulate why he wants to do this. That suggests some (a lot)? of confusion on his part. For such a monumental decision, you would hope he would know why he was doing it. Maybe he's worried about his economic future, and that would be too bad, if that is why he decided to join. If he truly felt he was defending the Country, one could understand his decision, but it sounds like that is not in the forefront of his brain. Please forgive me if you think this is out of bounds, but if I were you, I'd insist that he figure out WHY he is making this decision, if only to help him think clearly.
doug, I did ask him why and he's figuring out how to articulate the choice. The conversation isn't over, and I support his choice because it's HIS choice and I love him no matter what. Will I ever completely understand? I don't know. I'll be there for HIM no matter what.
But it still scares the crap out of me, and nothing will change that.
My kids are too young for me to worry about those particular hazards just yet, Voice, but I believe I would react in a similar way should I ever be faced with this situation. It sounds to me like your son has all of the ingredients of a true hero, including a solid and loving upbringing. You raised him so that one day he could make a valuable contribution to the world and I personally believe that keeping the citizens of the US safe is just that.
My hat is off to you, Voice. Hang in there.
Voice, since I've got "skin" in this game, I think I can empathize with you. I believe I mentioned here a short while ago that my youngest son Andy, an army medic out of Ft Hood and deployed to iraq, was given leave in January by his Sgt and good bud just a few days before an iraqi soldier killed him and another good bud in his squad, (usually composed of 12 men). He is back in iraq and there is not a damn thing I can do for him and his comrades.
Except pray for him and his comrades not just for their physical safety but, more importantly, for their souls as we know some are not going to evade harm.
Jesus says we are to forgive our enemies, those enemies to me being those arrogant, greedy, incompetent "leaders" that managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Not real easy to do. I hope the real test does not come knocking on my door.
Life ain't fair. For the most part, I understand and accept but doesn't mean I like it.
Hi Voice, I'm sure you are very scared for you're son. I didn't see if you asked him why he wanted to join, other than that he thinks he might not be able to get a job down the road. Are you Voice firmly against him joining and risking his life like this? If so, why not try and talk him out of it?
He believes he can't get a job because he's a white guy?
No matter what age your kids are, you are still Mom. To have the Title Mom, you earn the right to worry.
My tip is: Just except that you will worry, I don't think that will ever change)))
To get through this, all you can do is keep being busy.