Comedy Central used to run a show called "The Man Show" with Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corrola. One of their many bits was a segment they called Manovations. The idea was a simple invention that men would use. Of course, most weren't practical at all and none of them actually existed. So, in the spirit of the Man Show I'm going to offer up three such manovations some friends of mine and I developed (ie dreamed up).
Bag-O
I'm particularly proud of Bag-O. Bag-O began in college when we used to go to baseball games at the Ballpark in Arlington. The Rangers allowed fans to bring in beverages at that time (you hearing me Drayton?) but they could only be in plastic containers. The reason was fairly obvious, but alcohol wasn't served in plastic containers then. So, a friend suggested we bring a bag of beer. The early thoughts bordered on the ludicrous (imagine a hefty bag of beer) but the model was developed over time.
Essentially, the customer would wear a velcro belt above their waist (similar to a back brace) and then attach a ziploc like bag with a velcro strip to the belt. Customers could then conceal any beverage under their shirt. Don't want to pay eight dollars for beer? Just stick beer in the Bag-O. Want to have some mixed drinks? Purchase the soda and carry the booze in the Bag-O. I'd imagine they could be had for $19.95.
Elastipants
How many times has this happened to you? You've gone on a diet and lost some weight. You feel great, but your pants don't fit anymore. You used to be in a size 38, but now have dipped down to a respectable 34. You could keep your pants and cinch your belt, but then you'd look like you should retire and shake your fist at those darn kids. You could keep your pants and just wear them as normal, but the neighborhood kids might pants you. You could go out and buy new pants, but in this economy who can afford that?
Elastipants range from the very slender 32 waist to the more Americanized 48. The beauty is that you don't have to buy new pants every time your size changes. You could go from the slender 34 back to 38 after all those Super Bowl parties, Valentines Day, and St. Patrick's Day. Elastipants are easily adjustable and bland style make you look like you are kind of with it no matter the decade.
The Lazy Man Chair
Your sitting down before nine hours of football. It's one of those days where you've got everything at your disposal. You've got your beer, you've got your chips, pretzels, or snack of choice. You're ready for nine straight hours of college of pro football action. Unfortunately, that beer is going right through you. You've got to go, but you've gotta stay glued to your seat. The Texans are finding a new way to lose and you don't want to miss out at the water cooler the next day. So, do you get up? Hell no, not in your lazy man chair.
The Lazy Man is hooked up to your septic system and fully loaded with a toilet, cooler, and convenient container for those chips, pretzels, or peanuts. No need to get up for more beer, the cooler easily accommodates a full case. No need to get up for the bathroom, the toilet is right there. It even comes with a deodorizing spray so you won't pass out. The snack container accommodates more than a full bag of chips, pretzels, or peanuts. Every football, baseball, or basketball fan would love it. The Lazy Man is a great idea for the man in your life. He'll love you forever as he sits in his Lazy Man for countless hours of March Madness. Warning: The Lazy Man cannot moved once it is installed.
Doug,
I did notice the sarcasm there but chose to ignore it for the time being. I wasn't going for high minded satire today. No intended condemnation of modern culture, but if the shoe fits right?
damn, those are some good ideas!
Actually I do like the idea of a selective mute button. Want to mute Glenn Beck? Program it in. Sean Hannity? Go right ahead. Sarah Palin? Automatic. There are also announcers I would mute as well.
You will make millions on these, especially the The Lazy Man Chair. My husband will be anxiously waiting for those inventions to come out.
Scott,
These are inventions that only could have been thought up by college aged guys living together, especially The Lazy Man.
I have one of my own. It is an electronic device that allows one to lay on the couch while watching football, and you can change the channels just by hitting buttons on the device. No need to get up and walk over to the t.v. to switch stations. The way technology is going, I swear, one day soon somebody is going to invent this, and people will actually have no shame in using it. In fact I predict that they will become the norm, and nobody will think anything of it...I know this sounds crazy, and we could never get THAT lazy, but you just watch...
We'll still have to pick up the t.v. guide though from the table and make the effort to page through it to see what's on t.v. THAT will never change.