Guest blogged by Rachel Marcus
The media attention has portrayed this recent spate of tragedies as an epidemic, spurring a frenzy of discussion about enacting anti-bullying legislation. In response to Phoebe Prince's suicide, Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick signed into law a broad measure to crack down on bullying in schools that requires anti-bullying education for all students and teachers, mandates that all bullying incidents be reported to parents, and most sweepingly, outlaws "the repeated use by a perpetrator of a written, verbal, or electronic expression, or physical act or gesture . . . directed at a victim that causes physical or emotional harm or damage to the victim's property; places the victim in reasonable fear or harm to himself or of damage to his property; [or] creates a hostile environment at school." Any behavior deemed as bullying by the school principal must now be referred to criminal law enforcement agencies.
At present, forty-five US states have passed some form of anti-bullying legislation. Although the intentions behind these laws are admirable, the question remains as to whether these measures will have any real effect toward stopping the incidence of a type of behavior seen by many as a natural part of childhood socialization.
Bullying, as anyone who has attended grade school or indeed who remembers his or her childhood can attest, is not a new phenomenon. Almost everyone has, at some point in his or her life, had an experience with a bully, or perhaps even acted as a bully. The vast majority of bullying victims do not end up as suicides, and bullies often grow out of their callous behaviors. Most people leave behind their childhood bully-related memories on the playground or in the high school lunchroom, only to perhaps look back wincingly every now and then.
When I was in grade school, it was an issue rarely addressed and largely ignored by teachers and other adults, unless some kind of blatant verbal or physical altercation occurred. The general sense was that bullying was an expected, even accepted, mode of behavior--being bullied was a rite of passage, a means of building the kind of character and thick skin needed to succeed in the unfair and often harsh adult world. As for the bullies themselves--well, they were simply acting their age, expressing a type of childish cruelty that would likely fall away with maturity.
As it turns out, the repercussions of childhood bullying are potentially serious and can extend well into adulthood. Studies published in 2005 linked bullying to depression, criminal behavior, and substance abuse later in life, for both perpetrators and victims. Some bullies go on to become even more diabolical adults--take for instance the 2006 case of Megan Meier, a 13 year-old Missouri girl who struck up a budding romance over MySpace messages with a person she believed to be a 16 year-old boy named Josh. At first the Josh seemed sweet, showering her with compliments and insinuating that he would like her to be his girlfriend, until he suddenly turned on her, hurling insults at her and even going so far as to say that "the world would be a better place" without her. Soon after she read that last message, Megan hung herself in her room. "Josh", as it turns out, was not a teenage boy but a fake profile created by Lori Drew, the mother of a classmate and former friend of Megan's, with the sole purpose of inflicting psychological torture on the girl. Drew faced criminal misdemeanor charges of violating Internet privacy regulations, which were later dropped. With no direct line of causation between Drew's cruelty and Megan's suicide, Drew escaped any legal culpability.
The problem of man's inhumanity toward man is a dilemma as old as human society itself, and stricter anti-bullying laws are unlikely to prevent people from acting cruelly toward one another--if moral legislation ever had the power to change this fundamental fact of human nature, we would certainly be living in a very different world--but that is not to say that we should simply declare futility and let these incidents go on unaddressed.
It is a difficult task to create anti-bullying laws that do not also infringe on free-speech rights. Prosecuting the bullies with serious criminal charges and castigating them in the media, as is currently happening in the Clementi and Prince cases, is likely to punish the bullies in those individual cases, if not with actual jail time then with the public shame that will follow them for the rest of their lives, but it is unlikely to incite behavioral change on a large scale. It is a visceral, almost lynch-mob form of revenge, but ineffective in targeting the wider phenomenon of bullying.
Effectively addressing the problem of bullying in schools would require nothing short of a transformation in cultural attitudes about acceptable behavior between people. Educational programs, such as the anti-bullying classes introduced in Massachusetts schools, is a start. Incorporating issues of sexual orientation into the standard diversity awareness curriculum in schools would help as well, since GLBT students make up a large portion of the victims in these extreme bullying cases.
Cultural sensitivity training programs have their detractors (witness the PC movement backlash that has become a centerpiece in contemporary US political culture wars) but they do promote a change in the general sense of accepted morality, which in turn trickles down to affect individual behaviors. In recognizing that bullying is unjust and destructive, we are taking the first step toward breaking down the cultural attitudes that allow bullies to continue inflicting pain on other people's lives.
Rachel Marcus is a graduate of Rice University, a blogger, and researcher, honing her skills at the Houston bureau of the New York Times. She was also the researcher for Disaster on the Horizon, Bob Cavnar's new book about BP's deepwater well blowout. This is the first of what we hope are many contributions to the collective works on The Daily Hurricane.
Thank you for that story. I think what the charter school is doing is fantastic. It demonstrates that they are taking it seriously and doing so in a creative way. We don't have to put kids in front of a firing squad, but if they knew it would be taken seriously then fewer would do it.
As for your second point, I think we all agree. I talked about it earlier on another blog that there is a difference between me loving my child and being proud of my child. I can't praise everything she does because then she won't know real achievement. She should always know I love her. She should also know I'm not always proud of her.
As to dealing with bullying, I think bullying has become so much more pervasive with the internet and other technology. That, and some kids are just wired differently. Some are not equipped to deal with the pressures of life much less added pressure of a bully. The suicides concern me, but the kids that lash out and bring in a bunch of guns concern me more.
Ahhh. Bullying. Such a tricky topic. As a mother of three kids, I've seen how cruel kids can be. And growing up, as the only Asian in an all white elementary school, I was on the receiving end of it too.
My two oldest attend two different middle schools. One is at the local public middle school, and the other is at a smaller public charter middle school. There is, very little bullying at the charter school. This is how they handle it. They have a "Bully Locker". People can slip notes in there for the principal, assistant principal and counselor to read. The notes can be anonymous or signed. The notes can be first hand accounts of something that happened, a copy of a text or email or Facebook page, or can be something that was witnessed. It can even be a rumor that is going around. The locker is checked every day. The first time a person's name comes up on a bully note, the teachers are alerted and are told to watch that child. The second time a person's name comes up on a bully note, the child is pulled into the principal's office for a talk. The third time a person's name comes up, the parents are called in and the child is forced to wear the Bully Outfit for a week. The Bully Outfit is a size 2XL lime green sweat suit with "I Am a Bully" written on it. Every student and parent signs a Bullying Contract at the beginning of the school year, so they know what the rules are. Even bullying that occurs off of school grounds, as long as they involve students at that school, is punishable.
Nobody has EVER had to wear the Bully Outfit as long as the Bully Locker has been in system. You would think kids would abuse this system, but they don't. They take it very seriously. It's wonderful. We have kids from every walk of life there. Kudos to our long time principal who created the Bully Locker and has made that school a place where kids can actually learn and feel comfortable just being themselves. It truly is a "No Place for Hate" place.
Now -- bullying. It happens. With cell phones and Facebook and other means of spreading out information to large masses, quickly. It's really a problem. However, as the article above states -- we've all been bullied at one time. And most kids are at one time. And most don't commit suicide afterwards. I truly feel like part of the problem is NOT the bullying, but in the way we as a society allow our children to process the bullying. We don't teach our children at a young age how to deal with conflict and loss. We protect them from the day they are born. Our children all receive trophies for "trying". We whisper about birthday parties, because we don't want Susie to be upset that she wasn't invited. We race Tommy's homework to him at school when he leaves it on the kitchen table, so that he doesn't get a zero on it. (Okay, I admit to doing that one.....) We yell at Jimmy's t-ball coach for sitting him on the bench, even though he deserves to be sitting there because he backtalked the coach. We are setting up a culture of children who don't know how to deal with their emotions. We are "coaching" our kids that life should be perfect and as adults, we all know that's now how life really is. That's where we need to change. Not only does this protective parenting create children who crater when their world seems hopeless, but it also creates children who bully, because they too, feel hopeless.
My heart breaks for all the families who have lost a teen or preteen due to bullying. I have two in middle school and I watch them like a hawk for ANY clue that something isn't right. Keeping the paths of communication open and talking to them every free minute is the only way to know what is truly going on in their lives. Read their texts. Read their emails. It takes time, and as busy parents, we don't always have the time. But we have to do it. My kids HATE that I read their texts. But, deep down, I know that they are grateful that I care. Don't EVER let these kids think they are alone and have no other choice in life, but to end it.
So sad. So very sad.
Of course, I agree with you 100%...
I would be on board big time with idea No. 2.
As you know, I take very few things seriously but this is one. There are so many causes (societal, home life, school climate, educational priorities). Here is basically what I am advocating:
1) when you create zero tolerance policies you hamstring administrators in two ways. First, you remove common sense. A girl that brings Tylenol to school shouldn't be expelled. A boy scout that forgets to remove his Swiss army knife from his car shouldn't be expelled. Secondly, administrators should be allowed to determine what their biggest area of need is and request support for that need. Weapons and drugs just aren't that big in elementary, but bullying sure is.
2) require parenting classes for students with a certain number of office referrals. The kid can stay in alternative school until they are completed. This could be a motivator and might help at home.
This is what you get when you have a generation of callus fear-mongering scum raising another generation of monsters.
It took a little girl, one step in the right direction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdx95EnWkms
What you say makes perfect sense and your biggest challenge is that you're dealing with a reinforced negative behavior even if still at an elementary school level.
What can we do about this?
Good question. There isn't a simple answer.
I could go on about how there needs to be special schools.
Educators could deal with this problem when it happens on the school grounds, but they need the resources and authority to follow through. Hard to do when there are budget cuts.
Suspension for kids don't work anymore that is a short term fix for the class, it solves nothing.
Parents need to be educated to learn how to deal with their kids in trouble. What happens in the household has an effect on kids.
As a community we can try to have our officials take a long look at our education system. Times have changed, we cannot run the schools with old ideas and cut backs.
Internet could shut down where they see bad behavior.
Kids have more pressure than ever before from their so called friends. In my generation the worse thing to do was drink beer, it's a lot worse now.
Our education is going by the way side. We are treating the kids like cattle. Piling them in the classrooms.
What happens when you pile cattle in a small pen they start stepping on each other and there is a lot of confusion.
jeez, I didn't expect you to get all serious on me...I'm going to think about your post for awhile and then provide a thoughtful answer...I hope.
To clarify, the reason why I suggested "on topic" is because it seemed the writer was asking, "what are we going to do about it?" My answer is that we need to hit bullying hard and demonstrate that it is wrong. While I love the cognitive model of counseling, most kids understand behavioral modification. I'd love to find why a kid feels the need to hit or bully another kid. I'd much rather the other kids be safe. So, remove them from the environment and then delve deeper.
I care about causes, but it's a lot like cancer. Causes are great, but cut out the cancer first. We do work with children on social skills and bullying behavior, but when students see that they won't be punished for it then we are tacitly consenting to the behavior.
I think you and Shortstuff are saying the same thing in a different way. A bully has a lack of control and seeks to find it. Picking on someone smaller or vulnerable gives them the allusion of control.
I can help with that, but at the end of the day students need to learn that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior before the consequences get severe. Patting them on the head and telling them not to do it again just isn't working.
harumph,
Not to suggest that is part of the problem...but...I was on topic. There is no other solution but to attack the cause.
Back on topic, a large problem is a lack of administrative teeth. We remove that teeth with zero tolerance policies that strip administrators of their ability to use common sense when administering discipline. I have referred the same students numerous times for bullying. It's very frustrating.
After 23 years in juvenile court, I believe that teenagers often learn from the experiences of their peers, not just from being lectured by those in authority. Consequently, “Teen Cyberbullying Investigated” was published in January, 2010.
Endorsed by Dr. Phil on April 8, 2010 ["Bullied to Death" show], “Teen Cyberbullying Investigated” presents real cases of teens in trouble over their online and cell phone activities.
Civil & criminal sanctions have been imposed on teens over their emails, blogs, text and IM messages, Facebook entries and more. TCI is interactive and promotes education & awareness so that our youth will begin to “Think B4 U Click.”
Thanks for looking at “Teen Cyberbullying Investigated” on http://www.freespirit.com [publisher] or on http://www.askthejudge.info [a free website for & about teens and the law].
Respectfully, -Judge Tom.
yeah, I hear you. But don't judge us all on the same criteria... :O)
I agree that a certain amount of this behavior and many other socially unacceptable or socially inappropriate behaviors are beyond one's control. My mother used to tell me "he doesn't know any better." And many times that is accurate. She used a phrase that I remember to this day. It's a VERY important phrase. "How would YOU feel if someone did that to you?" That skill or ability to empathize is lacking in some people. And, I am afraid, there is nothing we can do about it.
I think MOST inappropriate social behavior can be attributed to one of two things, either the absence of being taught properly, OR an inability to think or feel beyond one's own interest or impulses.
We check kid's eyes in school. I think we need to check other things too. Many mental, psychological and social disorders COULD be identified in elementary school. Thgere are rather simple tests that help identify many of these potential problems. But, the ACLU would have a fit.
I don't think they "choose" it. I think it's totally subconscious. But it's a mechanism they employ to make themselves feel more "in control".
I still say it's about power. I could write a book about living with one for 25 years......
I'm not sure that I would agree that it is a choice, if it is, it happens below the level of conscious awareness in most cases. It is a matter of not having the psychological/emotional equipment to mirror an appropriate respect of personal boundaries. Which, of course, is equipment that is implemented at a very tender and vulnerable age.
It's about the bully's sense that he or she lacks power and control, thereby choosing to exert power and control over others.
Not to start up an argument...it really isn't about power and control. It's about a 'lack' of power and control.
How about the guy that disciplined his child by making him smash his pet hamster with a hammer. That's dissociative identity disorder in the making. Only one step away to the next generation of serial killer.
It's all about power. And control. And too often bullies grow up to be abusers to their spouses and children.
Bullying used to be actions such as swiping someone's lunch money, or pushing them down on the playground. With the advent of the internet....and some persons' total lack of understanding boundaries and right to privacy....we are seeing some of the sickest behavior in humans.
When that mother tortured that child on MySpace, what was she thinking? Did she think it was funny, to lead a sweet young child on like that? My son said that had to have been the cruelest thing he had ever seen.
We consider ourselves on a higher plane than the animal kingdom but there are days when I wonder why.
I also believe that the accepted practice of teaching independence at a totally inappropriate age (birth) creates an abiding insecurity that one is extremely fortunate to ever shake. And as windorsolar has pointed out it is that subconscious insecurity/lack of self esteem that provides the impetus to act out. Some children are desperate to fill the well of a 'sense of control' that their parents have never provided in their misguided attempts to teach self-reliance.
Arun Gandhi has characterized rudeness as 'passive violence' and accurately so. I personally believe that our culture of violence begins in the cradle as parents start the process of establishing 'who's the boss'. It's is a deeply embedded childrearing practice that is completely wrong and totally demolishes any possibility of changing the nature of our contemporary society.
Great article, thank you for posting this.
Even though it was never right, there has always been bullies. However, it has gotten worse since my young days, the Internet has helped in this.
Most of the bully's have been bullied themselves from people the closet to them.
It gives them a sense of power, status. It starts their own little group. Do it first and the others won't do it to them.
Bullying can become contagious, gives low self esteem, even death, and so on.
People who do bully are the ones with the big problems usually with socializing with others or have some sort emotional problems.
If this problem is ignored it can only grow more than it already has.