It's a little too early to celebrate Festivus, but I feel the need for some pre-Memorial Day airing of grievances. As Frank Costanza said, "I got a lot of problems with you people." Well, maybe not YOU people, unless you're guilty of one of the following offenses, but people in general. Here goes:
1. Put down the damn phone and drive. My job requires me to do a lot of driving in and around Houston, and I've had it up to here (hand to forehead) with drivers sitting at a traffic signal after its turned green, and going 45 MPH in the left lane on the freeway because they're yakking on the cell phone. Whatever it is, it'll keep for a few minutes.
2 (a) Unless you're an attorney with a client on death row who's waiting to hear from the governor, or a member of the transplant team at Methodist Hospital on 24-hour call, leave the bluetooth in the car when you go to the grocery store. To people who can't see the headset you look like a cast member of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
(b) If you just have to do it anyway, be aware that people around you can hear you, and take into consideration that they may not be interested in the details of your private life.
3) If you're still one of the dinosaurs who writes checks at the store, 2 pieces of advice. First, join us in the 21st century and get a freakin' debit card. But if you must write a check, while you're waiting in line or while the cashier is scanning your merchandise, ask yourself these questions. Do I know what store I'm in? Do I know the date? Do I know my name? If you answer "yes" to these questions, go ahead and fill out the damn check with everything but the amount. Trust me, the people in line behind you will appreciate it.
4) Toll roads have that name for a reason--it costs money to drive on them. There are even signs to tell you when you're nearing the toll booth. Please have your money ready and don't start digging in the ash tray or in your pocket for change after you get there. Again, the drivers behind you will appreciate this.
5) Now that summer is almost here, a couple of good rules of thumb. Ladies, if you go to a public place--other than the gym, the pool, or the beach--with more than 80% of your person exposed, you have forfeited the right to say "What are YOU lookin' at?"
Gentlemen, if your moobs bounce when you jog, wear a freakin' T-shirt. Please. I can't count the times I 've been eating my lunch at Memorial Park, enjoying the (ahem) scenery, when some fat, hairy, shirtless guy, who not only needs a shirt but a bra, bounces by and makes me a little nauseous. Cover up.
Last but not least:
6) Teenage boys--pull up your damn pants, I have no desire to see your underwear. While you're at it, caps have a visor for a reason--to shade your eyes, not your ear. And no, the music's not too loud because I'm too old. The music's too loud because it ain't music, it's noise.
OK, so much for the airing of grievances. Who's up for the feats of strength?
1. Put down the damn phone and drive. My job requires me to do a lot of driving in and around Houston, and I've had it up to here (hand to forehead) with drivers sitting at a traffic signal after its turned green, and going 45 MPH in the left lane on the freeway because they're yakking on the cell phone. Whatever it is, it'll keep for a few minutes.
2 (a) Unless you're an attorney with a client on death row who's waiting to hear from the governor, or a member of the transplant team at Methodist Hospital on 24-hour call, leave the bluetooth in the car when you go to the grocery store. To people who can't see the headset you look like a cast member of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
(b) If you just have to do it anyway, be aware that people around you can hear you, and take into consideration that they may not be interested in the details of your private life.
3) If you're still one of the dinosaurs who writes checks at the store, 2 pieces of advice. First, join us in the 21st century and get a freakin' debit card. But if you must write a check, while you're waiting in line or while the cashier is scanning your merchandise, ask yourself these questions. Do I know what store I'm in? Do I know the date? Do I know my name? If you answer "yes" to these questions, go ahead and fill out the damn check with everything but the amount. Trust me, the people in line behind you will appreciate it.
4) Toll roads have that name for a reason--it costs money to drive on them. There are even signs to tell you when you're nearing the toll booth. Please have your money ready and don't start digging in the ash tray or in your pocket for change after you get there. Again, the drivers behind you will appreciate this.
5) Now that summer is almost here, a couple of good rules of thumb. Ladies, if you go to a public place--other than the gym, the pool, or the beach--with more than 80% of your person exposed, you have forfeited the right to say "What are YOU lookin' at?"
Gentlemen, if your moobs bounce when you jog, wear a freakin' T-shirt. Please. I can't count the times I 've been eating my lunch at Memorial Park, enjoying the (ahem) scenery, when some fat, hairy, shirtless guy, who not only needs a shirt but a bra, bounces by and makes me a little nauseous. Cover up.
Last but not least:
6) Teenage boys--pull up your damn pants, I have no desire to see your underwear. While you're at it, caps have a visor for a reason--to shade your eyes, not your ear. And no, the music's not too loud because I'm too old. The music's too loud because it ain't music, it's noise.
OK, so much for the airing of grievances. Who's up for the feats of strength?
ROFL!
True!
Neither is Mrs. McGraw.
Haha fair enough. That is why I have the general rule of no one's music being loud. I'm sure some people would be offended to my classic rock (for reasons I don't know). A pet peeve from work and some beyond:
1) If you change your phone numbers you cannot get mad when we do not get in contact with you.
2) If your car is named after a Canadian territory it is not a compact car and should not be parked in a compact spot.
2b) If it takes more than five minutes to park your truck it is too damn big for you. Let those that really need it buy it.
3) If you are trying to get me an $8 dollar beer it better either be blessed by the pope or a keg. I refuse to spend more for one cheap ass beer than I would pay for a six pack of excellent imported beer I would buy at Spec's.
What would we do without a good c/w ballad? Country music is all about the story.
And Tim McGraw ain't so bad to look at either....just sayin'....
ROFL!!! I agree, what would the world be without country music!
No country music? Them’s fightin’ words where I come from ;)
BTW, what do you get when you play a country song backwards?
Your truck gets fixed.
Your dog gets better.
Your woman comes back.
I'm personally thankful there is no country. The five themes of country music:
1. Trying to get boy or girl
2. Lost boy or girl
3. Traveling on a train
4. Lamenting the loss of a dog
5. Some combination of above
My wife and I have seen maybe two movies in the theatre in the past five years for those reasons. Seems to me that they used to have ushers. What happened to those folks?
yeah, I love movies. My biggest problem at the theatre is when I'm watching an R-rated movies (violence) and people bring in their 5-11 year old kids with them. It literally ruins the movie for me because I'm so upset that a parent would let their children watch movies like that. And the chair kickers, I'll let a couple of times slide but one time it went on incessantly. I think it was purposeful. The most frustrating thing about it the dude was about 6'6" 250 lbs.
I pulled up to a truck the other day with blaring C&W. I just smiled my inner smile and drove on.
Very good list and comments. No. 3 is a particular pet peeve of mine. Some people act surprised when it dawns on them they have to pay. Duh! Then they grope around in their purse, which looks like a sack of trash, for their checkbook or some change while the line grows longer. I've even seen people give them pennies to get us out of our misery.
Another one is people taking forever going through security at airports, and boarding planes. Carry only what you can handle without injuring yourself or others, and wear slip-ons, not shoes with ties and straps if you have a hard time bending over. And please bathe first, your seatmates will really appreciate it.
Those who talk throughout a play are beyond rude. You pay a small fortune to see a play and there's no chance to buy a DVD of it. I nicely asked a women once to please be quiet so we could hear; she was very offended and said, "Well, I never," but she shut up.
Don't take your rugrats to a nice restaurant if they don't know how to act. Also, restaurants are not a good place to make them eat new foods.
I am totally with you on the moob issue. When running where there are other runners I, too, enjoy the scenery. But that doesn't include some hairy, paunchy dude poking along in, gawd help us, nothing other than some tight Texas flag shorts and a pair of running shoes.
Note to said dude: I appreciate that you're out there exercising. Truly, you are to be commended, and I encourage you to continue. But please keep in mind that, far from impressing the women, you're instead making them feel slightly nauseated, if not also shocked and amused (but not in the way you'd prefer). Cover up next time, and make sure your clothes actually fit you _now_, rather than 20 years ago.
One other thing on cell phone usage: These phones are really pretty sensitive and its not necessary to scream so that everyone within 500 feet can hear you. Your business is just not that interesting to the rest of us, so just talk quietly.
Thanks Kel, I’ll receive that in the same spirit with which it is given.
Dearest Desperado,
I will from now on out call you, in the most loving way possible, Desperado Scrooge.
Sincerely,
Kel
(I agree with you, btw)
I spent a hour at the DMV yesterday. I watched as person after person had to be asked to produce their license.
Folks were digging in pockets and purses for the very thing they needed to renew.
Then they repeated the process when time to pay.
Why is it that when someone has that loud throbbing music coming from a car, it's never something country or classical?
ROFL! I can relate to all of them! And vikinghou, that's why I usually rent the movie now instead of going to the theater. I get tired of the running commentary, the kicking of my seat from whichever moron is right behind me (and there are scores of seats available...do you HAVE to pick the one right behind ME?), the bright light screens of the blackberries and iphones that they just can't put away. They might just miss the mindless tweet from the mindless twit tweeting.
Makes me want to crawl into my comfy little hole I call home and just stay here.
Any of you who want to come here to watch movies with me in peace and quiet, I'll sell tickets..... ;-)
I'll add to Des' list about the cell phones...if you are on a cell phone and you are out shopping or doing business, finish your conversation and then pay attention to your shopping. The cashier and everyone else in the vicinity doesn't give a damn about your conversation. It doesn't make you look popular or "important". It just makes you look rude. Which you are.
Now I have to say, Des, the visual of the jogging "moobs" did kind of hurt my appetite. And I was right in the middle of a cinnamon roll....
ROFL! I totally agree with you, especially numbers 1 and 2. I can't count the times that I have almost been run off the road by some fool on their cell phone and don't even get me started about those that text while they are driving.
Oh yes, the movies. Parents, hire a babysitter or wait for the DVD. I didn't pay to hear your screaming crumb-crunchers.
I had a good laugh while reading this because I can relate to everything you wrote. I can add another pet peeve.
When you go to the theatre or to the movies, you're no longer in your living room. I don't want to hear your running commentary about the performance. If I wanted to hear you talk, I would have purchased a ticket to come to your house. Also, please don't use your cell phone to surf the web or text while in the darkened theatre. Those bright little screens are distracting. And, while I'm thinking about it, why did you come to see the show if you're not interested enough to pay attention?
I had a good laugh while reading this because I can relate to everything you wrote. I can add another pet peeve.
When you go to the theatre or to the movies, you're no longer in your living room. I don't want to hear your running commentary about the performance. If I wanted to hear you talk, I would have purchased a ticket to come to your house. Also, please don't use your cell phone to surf the web or text while in the darkened theatre. Those bright little screens are distracting. And, while I'm thinking about it, why did you come to see the show if you're not interested enough to pay attention?