I had a amazing experience yesterday. A friend and I went to one of my favorite restaurants for a nice Friday lunch. I know the owner and the chef of this restaurant well, and I frequent the place, especially when I want to get out of the hustle-bustle of business lunch places. It's a great place, great food, and very friendly. Our visit to the restaurant started normally; that is, until we were being seated by the hostess. As we sat down, the man sitting at the adjoining table with two young people turned to me and said,
Not sure I heard correctly, I said, "Excuse me?" He repeated the statement.
[Pause]
Now, I'm accustomed, as most of my long term readers know, to being verbally attacked, threatened, and to attempts made by others to intimidate me. I wasn't, however, prepared to be accosted by a perfect stranger who happened to see the car I arrived in, which does happen to have an Obama '08 sticker on it (in addition to a Bill White sticker).
[Play]
Not sure what to say in polite company, I simply said that I supported the President, know him personally, and consider him a friend. He shot back, "Well that makes one of you." Getting angry, I said, "No, that makes 59 million of us." He turned away mumbling about how that number was shrinking. Not wanting to escalate this confrontation to a public scene, I just sat down, turning to my friend remarking what an asshole this guy was. That was the end of it and lunch began, though with a cloud over us.
During our meal, the owner came over, as he always does, to make small talk and give recommendations from the menu. During the conversation, I asked who the man was. He explained that he was a relative of an employee (identity which shall remain unnamed), and tended to be outspoken. I thought, "No shit." Our meal proceeded without further incident.
The man was late 60s, maybe early 70's, dressed nicely, and obviously having a pleasant Friday afternoon meal with young relatives or friends, at least until I showed up with the offending sticker on my car. During the meal, the young woman sitting at the table left, went back toward the kitchen, and returned a few minutes later. I didn't think anything about it.
When we finished the meal, we paid and started to leave. As we did, the man, who was still there, stood up and turned to face me. My immediate thought was "Oh, God, here we go," but I was wrong. He stuck out his hand, introduced himself, then apologized to me for what he had said. He told me that he often says too much and that he shouldn't have said what he did. I dismissed it, shook his hand, exchanged pleasantries for a few seconds, then left. Obviously the owner of the restaurant had told the young woman I was a friend or something, and she had told the man. He apparently felt obligated to apologize.
This episode raised issues on several levels, but crystalized for me the events that we have all been witnessing on our televisions this week: hundreds of older white people showing up with the express mission of disrupting town hall meetings; emotional outrage at proposals that don't exist, at legislation that has not been introduced; waving signs with swastikas and photos of the President with a Hitler mustache, screaming about "death panels" and other such nonsense. The outrage is irrational, and can only be this strident due to factors other than medical insurance policies being considered by Congress.
This kind of outrage can only come from ingrained fear and hate. Fear and hate of the unknown. Fear and hate of "the other" that is embodied by an African American who has been elected President. This fear and hate is deep seated, multi-generational, genetically encoded. It is ethnically, religiously, and socially based. And, it can't be just dismissed.
For a person to feel empowered to publicly accost a perfect stranger over his simple disagreement with a political sticker speaks volumes. This person is apparently so consumed by rage that it overrides any sense of common courtesy or public decorum. His intolerance of opposing political belief overtook his emotions and he lashed out at someone he didn't even know. His lack of respect for others' belief is complete. Other person's security, peace of mind, even right to exist is irrelevant to him. This guy isn't necessarily evil, he's consumed by fear and hate of what he doesn't understand. Anyone who believes differently from him is sub-human, and merely a target for his displeasure at what he sees as a threat.
Such are the fruits of political discourse today. Misinformation, propaganda, fear, and hate pouring forth from right wing television, radio, websites, even their leadership has completely consumed the faithful. Rhetoric from GOP leaders like Sarah Palin who openly speak of "evil" and "death panels" do nothing to forward the debate and everything to debase it. The GOP has been so consumed by being out of power that they've pulled out all the stops to get it back, and have successfully framed this debate with false issues to drown out the majority of Americans who voted for this President and who want healthcare reform. A political win is more important to them than saving Americans' lives.
The GOP has opened Pandora's box. We'll all have to clean up after them eventually.
"I'm amazed that two white guys would get out of a car with an Obama sticker on it."
Not sure I heard correctly, I said, "Excuse me?" He repeated the statement.
[Pause]
Now, I'm accustomed, as most of my long term readers know, to being verbally attacked, threatened, and to attempts made by others to intimidate me. I wasn't, however, prepared to be accosted by a perfect stranger who happened to see the car I arrived in, which does happen to have an Obama '08 sticker on it (in addition to a Bill White sticker).
[Play]
Not sure what to say in polite company, I simply said that I supported the President, know him personally, and consider him a friend. He shot back, "Well that makes one of you." Getting angry, I said, "No, that makes 59 million of us." He turned away mumbling about how that number was shrinking. Not wanting to escalate this confrontation to a public scene, I just sat down, turning to my friend remarking what an asshole this guy was. That was the end of it and lunch began, though with a cloud over us.
During our meal, the owner came over, as he always does, to make small talk and give recommendations from the menu. During the conversation, I asked who the man was. He explained that he was a relative of an employee (identity which shall remain unnamed), and tended to be outspoken. I thought, "No shit." Our meal proceeded without further incident.
The man was late 60s, maybe early 70's, dressed nicely, and obviously having a pleasant Friday afternoon meal with young relatives or friends, at least until I showed up with the offending sticker on my car. During the meal, the young woman sitting at the table left, went back toward the kitchen, and returned a few minutes later. I didn't think anything about it.
When we finished the meal, we paid and started to leave. As we did, the man, who was still there, stood up and turned to face me. My immediate thought was "Oh, God, here we go," but I was wrong. He stuck out his hand, introduced himself, then apologized to me for what he had said. He told me that he often says too much and that he shouldn't have said what he did. I dismissed it, shook his hand, exchanged pleasantries for a few seconds, then left. Obviously the owner of the restaurant had told the young woman I was a friend or something, and she had told the man. He apparently felt obligated to apologize.
This episode raised issues on several levels, but crystalized for me the events that we have all been witnessing on our televisions this week: hundreds of older white people showing up with the express mission of disrupting town hall meetings; emotional outrage at proposals that don't exist, at legislation that has not been introduced; waving signs with swastikas and photos of the President with a Hitler mustache, screaming about "death panels" and other such nonsense. The outrage is irrational, and can only be this strident due to factors other than medical insurance policies being considered by Congress.
This kind of outrage can only come from ingrained fear and hate. Fear and hate of the unknown. Fear and hate of "the other" that is embodied by an African American who has been elected President. This fear and hate is deep seated, multi-generational, genetically encoded. It is ethnically, religiously, and socially based. And, it can't be just dismissed.
For a person to feel empowered to publicly accost a perfect stranger over his simple disagreement with a political sticker speaks volumes. This person is apparently so consumed by rage that it overrides any sense of common courtesy or public decorum. His intolerance of opposing political belief overtook his emotions and he lashed out at someone he didn't even know. His lack of respect for others' belief is complete. Other person's security, peace of mind, even right to exist is irrelevant to him. This guy isn't necessarily evil, he's consumed by fear and hate of what he doesn't understand. Anyone who believes differently from him is sub-human, and merely a target for his displeasure at what he sees as a threat.
Such are the fruits of political discourse today. Misinformation, propaganda, fear, and hate pouring forth from right wing television, radio, websites, even their leadership has completely consumed the faithful. Rhetoric from GOP leaders like Sarah Palin who openly speak of "evil" and "death panels" do nothing to forward the debate and everything to debase it. The GOP has been so consumed by being out of power that they've pulled out all the stops to get it back, and have successfully framed this debate with false issues to drown out the majority of Americans who voted for this President and who want healthcare reform. A political win is more important to them than saving Americans' lives.
The GOP has opened Pandora's box. We'll all have to clean up after them eventually.
Having just joined your blog, I decided as time permits to go back and read some of your archived posts. After reading this one, I was inspired to comment. Being African-American, I know that no matter how much we do, it is sometimes never enough. I was raised in the south by parents and grandparents and even great-grandparents who were college educated. We were told over and over that education is "your way". However, there usually isn't a way to change deep seeded hatred. However, your encounter with this man could possibly impact future generations in his family. I am of the mindset that "things do happen for a reason". Gives me more hope. Congrats on a great post. I am enjoying your blog as I spend over 50% of my time in airports.....allows catching up time; and I do meet kind people of all races, ages and political leanings. Hopefully, we can attack this inner core hatred one person at a time. Maybe, just maybe the possible chastisement by the restaurant personnel will make him think. Age, in itself, is not a limitation on learning. I can attest to that one:-)
I just received this e-mail from a family member who is one of the tea baggers.
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Watch it and make up your own mind.
"Mark your calendar - This Sunday on Fox Sean Hannity, of Hannity & Colmes ~ Fox news, is going to air a very important documentary about Barack Obama, Sunday night at 8:00 PM central / 9 PM eastern. He stated on the air this evening that no one in the news media was willing to do this. Hannity is going back to Obama's earlier days, showing even his ties to radical professors, friends, spiritual advisers, etc., he stated this evening that he will show in detail his ties to Rev. Wright for 20+ yrs. How he was participating with this man, and not for the reasons he states! He has uncovered more of Obama's radical leaders and we will see things that no one in the media is willing to put out there. This will be a night that you will learn more about Obama than ever before. Hannity is very passionate about this program and asked that everyone please, please watch~~
Sunday night, 8 PM. CT; 9 PM ET Please pass this on to everyone you know. Democrat or Republican, you can learn from this. It is critical for our country."
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Does anyone know what this is all about?
The hate is so real. At times during my career I would leave work and I would say Lord Why? Will things ever change?
Oddly enough, I see more Obama stickers now, in rascist-ville, than I did prior to the election. Maybe they, like I, were afraid to broadcast their loyalty prior to the election.
As the song goes in SOUTH PACIFIC, "You have to be carefully taught."
elejefe - The greeting that you received in the restaurant is that which is usually reserved for the drunk bully on the bar stool and usually goes, "What are you lookin' at, Boy"! or something similar. That it has evolved past that into the general populace on the scale you experienced does not bode well for those of us who have become fairly civilized and accustomed, as you indicated, to common courtesy. Our sense of empowerment and subsequent security is slipping away through thousands of encounters like that daily, and we are becoming sensitized to it as well.
My hope is that our resolve continues to be measured and civil in response to those events for the sake of greater good.
I can see Bachmann's vision of internment camps coming, for the wingnuts are just begging for it, and we shall certainly reward them with their dream if they cross the line into outright sedition and violence. They will learn the meaning of Homeland Security the hard way, I suspect...
Bob
I work offshore off and on. I keep my mouth shut out there. Now, I deal with good hands, and they are good guys. But going into the company man's office, with the TVs on fox, and those same guys start spouting off. I just bite my tongue. And these are educated, competent people! They can put the proper thought into why the goddamn BOP is leaking, troubleshoot the riser, and keep anyone from getting hurt. But they hear Palin talking about death comittees or some such nonsense, and their brain turns to mush. Ugh.
I still have my Obama 08 sticker on my car. I get old white men staring me down at stop lights, some give a hand signal. On the freeway they will speed up if I signal for a lane change. I do not react and to get on their level only makes me like them. The whole problem is that Obama is a Black American citizen and is president of the USA. They say they are not racist...I beg to differ.
It deeply saddens me that racism is so rampant. I don't understand this on any level. My 85 year old mother who has seen much in her lifetime voted for Obama. Yes, her mind is clear. God bless her and these old white men need to grow up and support America and our president.
AntiSarah, that was extremely interesting. And isn't it funny that in almost every instance, I could hear the echo of George W. Bush saying, "You're either FOR us or AGAINST us!"
God help us all.
Abe Lincoln would hang his head in shame at the tattered, racist vestiges of the Republican Party.
Lah:
Can you imagine how the old movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" would go over today. I don't think it would be funny, unfortunately.
Bob, I have to think that there will be more incidents like that. I also have to think that one of these town hall meetings will turn into a riot. Wanna bet as to who gets the blame if it happens ?
AntiSarah, thank you for posting the "The Eliminationists" info -- great reading material, and more importantly, great information regarding the chaos that is surrounding us.
We all need to be aware.
One thing I didn't realize when I posted my first comment is that Laird Wilcox is apparently a right-wing sympathizer. Nevertheless, what he apparently didn't realize when he wrote his "list" was how spot-on is his list in describing right-wing extremists and the difficulty that exists in finding corresponding left-wing examples.
Anti - I read the book when doing my series on hate speech some weeks back. It's a great book, tying white supremacists of old to the "patriot" movement and neo-supremacists of today. He points very clearly where racist and patriot rhetoric has crept into mainstream Republican speech and is now widely accepted. The GOP has been hijacked and is no longer the party of Abe Lincoln. It's a distorted, extremist group that has alienated and excommunicated anyone not toeing the line.
Last night, I read a review of the book "The Eliminationists". The review was written by someone by the name of Laird M. Wilcox. Here is his summary with regard to what we as Progressives are up against (I apologize in advance for the long length, but I think most will agree that it bears repeating in its entirety):
The extremist style exists all around the political universe and it's characterized by a certain kind of thinking. I would suggest that [the author] should have considered the following:
1. Extremists tend to believe that it's OK to do what would otherwise be instantly recognized as bad things in the service of a good cause. This may include shouting down speakers, harassment, intimidation, threats, censorship, and even violence in some cases. Defeating heretics, deniers, critics or other "enemies" becomes an all-encompassing goal to which other values become subordinate. In this case, for extremists the end justifies the means.
2. The use of slogans, buzzwords, epithets and clichés are common among extremists. Complex issues and problems are dramatically simplified. These cognitive shortcuts are necessary for the extremist temperament in order to avoid awareness of troublesome facts and to bolster group solidarity.
3. An emphasis on emotional responses and corresponding devaluation of reasoning and rational analysis is a frequent extremist trait. Extremists have an unspoken reference for propaganda and persuasion, which they may call education or "consciousness-raising." Harold D. Lasswell, in his book Psychopathology and Politics says, "The essential mark of the agitator is the high value he places on the emotional responses of the public."
4. Extremists often practice and openly advocate flagrant double standards. They generally tend to judge themselves, their interest groups, and their allies in terms of their intentions, which they view generously, and their opponents by their acts, which they view very critically. They want you to accept their claims on faith or authority, but demand strict proof from those of their opponents. They tend to view arguments that call their premises into question as hostile propaganda or provocation.
5. Confusing of mere similarity with essential sameness is a common extremist trait. Hence, for the extremist socialized medicine may be just like Communism or the appearance of ethnic pride is just like Nazi Germany. Instead of trying to understand complex phenomena in its own context, they tend to associate it with a God word or a Devil word.
6. Extremists often attack the character or reputation of an opponent rather than deal with the more concrete issues and views he presents. Through this kind of character assassination or ad hominem attack, they may question motives, qualifications, associations, personality, mental health and so on as a diversion. In some cases these matters may not be entirely irrelevant, but they shouldn't obscure the issues in question.
7. Some extremists tend to identify themselves in terms of their enemies, i.e., whom they hate and who hates them. Accordingly, extremists may become emotionally bound to their opponents in a strange symbiotic relationship, where they lives have meaning primarily in terms of conflict and opposition to one another. Because they view their opponents and unprincipled and powerful, they tend, perhaps subconsciously, to emulate them and adopt their tactics.
8. A Manichean worldview tends to characterize many extremists, in which they see the world in absolutes of good and evil, for them or against them, with no middle ground or intermediate positions. Issues tend to be framed in terms right and wrong, with the "right" position coinciding with their interests. Their slogan is "those who are not for me are against me."
9. Hypersensitivity and vigilance are hallmarks of the extremist style. They may perceive hostile innuendo in casual comments; imagine hostility and rejection "concealed" in honest disagreement and dissent, and manage to discover "subtle" manifestations of one thing or another in ordinarily innocuous events.
10. An inclination toward groupthink permeates extremist organizations. They are prone to the kind of inward-looking group cohesiveness that Irving Janus discussed in his book, Victims of Groupthink. This involves a strong tendency to conform to group norms and to preserve solidarity at the expense of dealing with conflicting evidence and disquieting observations or criticisms that may call into question their shared assumptions and beliefs of the group.
11. Finally, extremists often have problems tolerating ambiguity and uncertainty. Indeed, the ideologies and belief systems extremists tend to adopt often represent grasping for certainty and absolute truth and security in an uncertain world."
I've been fighting the good fight in our local paper online, after Congressman Perriello's town halls. It is just frightening to hear some of these people. One phrase that really struck me was "the hostile takeover of our healthcare system". Really? And of course MY personal favorite...the insinuation once again that anyone not financially comfortable is just a lazy slob who doesn't want to work.
The good news is, even in this small rascist town, there have been quite a few in there fighting the good fight, too.
Lahdidah, well said. As long as whites have the power, we can be tolerant of other races and cultures. White men have had the power for centuries, and to lose it is frightening, even though they still represent the majority of legislators and CEO's. It's the women I have trouble understanding. We know what it is like to be property. We have only had the right to vote for 89 years. Are these women still taking their cues from white men? From white Pastors?
The problem with fear is that it feeds on itself in the brain loop unconsciously. The fight or flight response gets triggered, and we consciously affirm that fear which results in more F and F response until the brain is over-sensitized and gets triggered very easily. This will indeed lead to impulsive and irrational responses.
Because all this happens in the brain unconsciously, we don't learn from history. Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story etc. happens over and over because we fear what we do not know, and we do not know because we fear.
As is customary, Bob nails the issue, cuddles it a little then sends it back to the sorority house.
The paragraph about a sense of empowerment present at a level as to accost a stranger, that's the truly interesting part to me. What does it take to validate a person's resentments to such a degree that they feel compelled to proactively denigrate another, and just as importantly, feel safe in doing so?
I was absolutely appalled when my kids came back from visiting relatives in East Texas and relayed an incident that happened one evening that profoundly impacted them, in a negative way.
How do you explain the behavior of a beloved family member in this scenario? During the game "IF" the question was "If you could assassinate anyone, who would it be?" (Who thinks up this garbage?) Her answer was "Obama." A child recognizes this as being inappropriate on so many levels. My kids called me about it that night. Why can't seemingly educated people get it? Needless to say, we're not going back.
We have seen too much of this lately, this irrational and visceral reaction to deliberate misinformation and hyperbole. It is up to us to stop it, correct it, do whatever we can to help them understand the inappropriateness of this.
It will take this country down faster than any WMD, real or imaginary.
The death of civility....and obviously these people are being brainwashed into thinking they and only they are right and only they have rights.
I'm with Carol...I dread what seems to be happening in this country.
And I'm beginning to believe that every gasbag who incites this shit needs to be hauled up on charges of treason. Love of country my ass.
Did you see this article in the Chronicle today?
Study links immigration and evacuee fears
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/6565106.html
I think its description of how pre-existing attitudes played an important role in the negative perception some Houstonians have/had about folks from New Orleans after Katrina is relative to how some people now feel about Obama.
When you're already afraid, a wave of change only makes you more so.
"Klineberg's surveys showed that Houston area residents' attitudes about the evacuees grew more negative as time passed.
In 2006, 47 percent said displaced residents' overall impact had been a “bad thing for the city.” The share of the survey sample holding this view grew to 65 percent in 2007 and 70 percent in 2008 before falling to 57 percent this year.
Racial attitudes also influenced the changing local reactions to the evacuees, according to the Shelton-Sherman study.
Survey respondents who believed that members of racial or ethnic minority groups enjoy opportunities equal to those of whites, for example, were more likely to hold evacuees responsible for an increase in violent crime.
The same was true of those who believed difficulties faced by African-Americans were rooted more in “problems within the black community” than in societal inequalities."
The last few weeks have made me very sad.
I moved down here 25 years ago, and I was shocked by the blatant racism of the time. Until recently I truly believed things had changed.
Bob, what a horrific experience and how frightening this truly is for our country. I am beginning to dread what is coming in the near future.
Ohh! Bob! You handled that very well. I think the man will think twice before opening his big mouf, next time. He was obviously, embarrassed by his behavior and subsequently apologized, even-though, it took his relative to point out to him that you were a friend of the owner.
I can't believe how many people make it their business to butt into someone else's political preference. Geez, anyone can vote for who they feel like it, and it should be no skin off their back ..when they had the same opportunity.
Funny how he mentioned you were white.. Bwaahaaha..I guess some of the idiots can't imagine that anyone, other than brown or black people voted for Obama.
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I would have probably said " shut-up and stop being rude,and it's none of your business who I voted for!"
During the campaign, I became aware that some people were afraid of me -- I remember thinking, "What the hell is going on here?"
I was at an celebratory dinner at a small restaurant and the other guests included a Houston cop, who describes me as the only liberal he lets in his house, and some of his relatives.
I've gotten to know these people over several years now, and I genuinely care about their welfare.
But at dinner, I'm telling you, one of the women was clearly afraid to talk to me, to even sit at my end of the table. I could see physical fear in her face.
How did that happen? To my knowledge, she and I had never been in the same place for anything remotely resembling a political discussion.
What it because I was a known liberal and liberals are dangerous? Who told her that?
There's so much work to do if we ever want to return to some more respectful environment.
And frankly, I have no idea where to start.
Bob, i think most of us have had similar experiences, though mine have not been quite as direct or confrontational. And, truth be told, I have started one or two myself by responding too emotionally, usually to some particularly stupid bumper sticker. The last one I saw, just the other day, was the "show us the birth certificate nonsese", located on the car ahead of me in line at a fast food restaurant. I spoke rather loudly and deliberately calling the driver as harsh a name as I could, and I am sure it was heard, just as I had intended.
in 2004, I had a Kerry sticker on my car and I recall one redneck pickup truck driver honking loudly to get my attention, just so he could give me the finger. I immediately emailed Jared Woodfill and asked if he drove a red Ford pickup and if so, his greeting to me was being returned in kind.
Fact is, it is an emotiomal and, I think, dangerous time. People feel genuinely threatened and, when threat response is triggered, stupid stuff happens. Be cool, be logical, be factual - I am confident common sense and the rule of law will prevail. But on the other hand, as I told Sparkle the other day, the Second Amendment applies to liberals too.
You nailed it, Bob. In addition to fear and hate, I have another suspicion. . .before President Obama was elected, we white people could pat ourselves on the back and say how tolerant we all were. We could be amazed at how far race relations had come in our lifetimes. All was well with the world as long as everyone knew their places. On November 4, 2009, we were confronted with the fact that everyone now had a seat at the table. That no longer were we hosting this dinner, and Black Americans were our guests, who we could send packing if they messed up. Now, you see, Black Americans not only had a place at the table, THEY were the hosts. And we began to feel like guests in our very own home. We began to feel a very small part of what Black Americans have been feeling for centuries, strangers in their own homes. I think we don't know what to do with those feelings, so we allow the feeling to take over us. We all have a lot of healing to do.